Gaius Valerius Catullus
84-54 BCE (over 2,000 years ago)
Trans RMBullard
Latin (Golden Age/Republican Era)
EGNATIVS, quod candidos habet dentes,
[Egnatius, because he has shining white teeth,]
renidet usque quaque.
[reflects light right back to whatever place there is.]
si ad rei uentum est
subsellium,
[if one comes down the lower seats of a play,]
cum orator excitat fletum,
[when the orator has stirred the crowd to weeping,]
renidet ille;
[this fella smiles;]
si ad pii rogum fili
lugetur,
[If you're mourning at the funeral pyre of a dutiful son,]
orba cum flet unicum mater,
[when his bereaved mother weeps for her only son,]
renidet ille.
[this guy is smiling.]
quidquid est,
[Whatever the case is,]
ubicumque est,
[no matter where you are,]
quodcumque agit,
[whatever he's doing,]
renidet:
[he's smiling:]
hunc habet morbum,
[a disease possesses him,]
neque elegantem, ut arbitror, neque urbanum.
[and not an elegant one, in my opinion, nor a sophisticated one.]
quare monendum est te mihi, bone Egnati.
[That's why I must warn you, by good man, Egnatius.]
si urbanus esses
[If you were a man from the city]
aut Sabinus aut Tiburs
[or a Sabine, or from Tivoli]
aut pinguis Vmber
[or a fat Umbrian]
aut obesus Etruscus
[or a chunky Tuscan]
aut Lanuuinus ater
[or a dark-skinned fellow from Lanuvium]
atque dentatus
aut Transpadanus,
[who happened to have big-ass teeth, or a man from across the Po,]
ut meos quoque attingam,
[as I too claim my folks to be from,]
aut quilubet, qui puriter lauit dentes,
[or whoever washed his teeth to the point of purity,]
tamen renidere usque quaque te nollem:
[And yet, I would not wish for you to smile back at every single place you find:]
nam risu inepto res ineptior nulla est.
[you see, nothing is more idiotic than an idiotic laugh.]
nunc Celtiber es:
[Now consider, you are a Celt-Iberian:]
Celtiberia in terra,
[in the land of Celtiberia,]
quod quisque minxit,
[whatever thing a person pissed on,]
hoc sibi solet mane
dentem atque russam defricare gingiuam,
[his habit is to brush his teeth, early in the morning, with it, as well as his ruddy gums,]
ut quo iste uester expolitior dens est,
[and what then? For the very reason your teeth seem to be more thoroughly clean,]
hoc te amplius bibisse praedicet loti.
[a man can predict that you've drunk this pot of piss all the more.]
